“That’ll be 69 cents, sir.”

His hair was in his eyes — it swayed back and forth as he searched his pockets for change. He patted each pocket several times, then repeated. He rifled through his wallet — dropping several customer membership cards at his feet. The line slowly grew behind him, but felt no sympathy for his plight: crossed arms all around…a few tapping soles.

He stretched his debit card toward the blank-faced middle-aged cashier, who — in-turn — pointed at the handy-dandy card slide-o-matic. Blush red spread across his greasy, vapid cheeks as he rerouted his card. Luckily, he knew the PIN.

At the 7/11, patience is the name of the game. Denny was full of the stuff…an entire career built on the very ideal. His job also required attention to detail. Patience and diligence rarely come in the same person package. He was a commodity: an odd one.

Denny lived alone in a studio apartment with his 13 inch television, Tivo, hot pad stove, and military issue cot. His shift at the store went from 3 am to 11 am. He would sleep after dinner from 5 pm to 11 pm. At 11 pm on the dot, he always flipped on the television. This was the start of the best infomercials. Chuck Norris’s hairy chest came unsheathed, Suzanne Sommers rocked the leotards, Tony Robbins flew on the magic manic bike: it was magic.

Regrettably, his convenience store career prevented him from enjoying daytime commercials; enter: the glory of Tivo. He programmed the box at specific intervals based on channel to ensure maximum ad time. Upon returning from work, he plopped down on the couch — still in his uniform — and watched a few hours — concentrating especially upon the disclaimers.

Between customers, he always recited the disclaimers under his breath. May cause side effects such as blurry vision, slurred speech, dizziness, and — in rare cases — rectal bleeding… His announcer voice had grown eerily perfect over the years. He’d taken to dressing exactly like the prototypical men in his favorite commercials: retirement fund management. His hair had been on the way to gray — he finished it off with a perfect coat of silver dye to offset his cornflower blue sweater vest. The wrinkles on his forehead made him look distinguished, but his brown eyes would never do; he moved to blue fashion lenses and bought four pairs of khaki Dockers pants.

He frequently picked up shifts for others. Still, his co-workers distrusted him. Muttering prizes not redeemable in Idaho, Vermont, Delaware, Alaska, Hawaii, or the Pacific Islands. Please see the back of your game token for full contest details and regulations doesn’t win over too many potential friends. Thus, he had little time for the small things like grocery shopping. 7/11 didn’t give employee discounts, so he shopped at the local conglomerate. He tried to make it quick and easy — heading there when the numbers were likely to be sparse. Then, he’d jog through the aisles with his cart — whistling jingles all the way; cutting off other carts; elbowing his way into the 10 Items or Less line.

His life was passing by without much introspection or reflection. In line, he dialogued candy slogans with diet drug catch phrases. He was generally ignored. Subtly, women clutched their purses tighter and shifted their weight. With time, his mutterings grew louder — convinced by the lack of attention from others that his voice was on a lower wavelength…harder to hear.

It was just his luck that Myra stood directly in-front of him in line one afternoon. Her inner celebrity monologue complimented his external ad binge.

Cortisol increases bellyfat. Relacore reduces cortisol. YOU NEED RELCORE.

{Nicole Ritchie is just way too skinny, but Tyra has just gotten too big, girl.}

A car came and slammed right into me like WHAM and I was all like WHOA. The guy comes up to me and says, “What you gonna do?” and I says, “I dunno bout you, but I’m calling 1-800 Ask Gary.

{I cannot believe Brit didn’t put that kid in a car seat. And Brandy? Don’t even get me started about Brandy…}

She reached for her no-guilt ice cream at the same time he was inching forward with his cart. Their minds and bodies collided in a moment of psychic bliss.

Things happened quickly. She quit her administrative professional job at the insurance company and applied for the vacancy at the 7/11. Their “on-the-job” romance was captured by the cameras — they were quickly reprimanded and dismissed. Considering this a blessing, they moved to their mecca: Hollywood.